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Lap dogs & devil dogs - the final solution

By Kensal Scream

Time for another rant by the Kensal Scream! This time on dogs. Warning: it contains strong language.

Dogs! - Dogs, dogs f*****g dogs!
Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs. It’s just certain f*****g dogs. No, let me correct that, its certain people who have certain f*****g dogs. Not just any dogs, but f*****g licky, lap dogs and c**ting Neanderthal devil dogs. 
I mean what’s the point? One type is so f*****g yappy, small and fluffy, with a brain the size of garden pea, and that’s before I’ve even started on the dog. 
They spend their time trolling round your ankles trying to either dry hump your shoes or snuffle every other dog’s bollocks. They’re like a fluff ridden, overactive thyroid gland with f*****g legs! I mean a bog-eyed rat on crack wearing a fluffy hot water bottle cover would be more appealing.
And the other – the devil dog is like a gym-pumped Phil Mitchel, neckless, feckless and pointless. Great if you like a dog that takes YOU for a walk. I must have seen countless owners being dragged to the shops they should organize devil dog drag racing. They always looks like they want to go somewhere in a hurry then forget the point of being there when they arrive. 
So here’s a f*****g radical idea – two pointless lumps of canine c**ts – lap dogs and devil dogs, the final solution! 
Let’s get the f*****g shit-sniffing balls of bog-eyed fluff to have a go at snuffling the testosterone-filled knackers of the no-necked, saw-jawed, behemoth and observe the natural selection and the f*****g food chain take its course! I’m talking hot dog with a fluffy f*****g bun! And with the social f*****g outcry at a big nasty dog doing what its bred to do ensures that it too is taken on it’s last f*****g drag walk to the Vet – it wouldn’t be such a f*****g hurry if it knew where it was going this time, both breeds f****d off in one fell swoop – then its job f*****g done, leaving the park to the snoring pot bellied Labradors.
That’s another thing, why can’t cats do f*****g ironing, they’re f*****g useless too!
The Kensal Scream.
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